After the first phone call (and subsequent deposit) to the adoption agency, they sent us a Binder. Capital B, because it's Big-Ass. The instructions are clear, and in a list format, which was reassuring to me, and I went to step one:
1. Complete a Home Study
Uh, what? Is this like a correspondence course or something?
Turns out, a Home Study involves selecting an adoption practitioner - kind of somewhere between a social worker and a therapist and a lawyer. There was only one, Judith, in our area, so we went with her! She's great, luckily, I've heard some horror stories!
With our Judith, we've had to do a whole new Binder, plus four meetings. These have involved:
- police checks (local, RCMP, and international)
- essays about ourselves, our childhoods, our views on parenting, our research* on adoption
- medical reports
- financial statements
- tax assessments
- dog vaccination records
- letters of reference
- selecting a guardian for our hypothetical child
- completing and signing more forms than you can dream of
- insurance records
- interviews / therapy sessions about our past, present, and future
- remember all those forms you can't even dream of? multiply them by seven
- verbal "tests" about our knowledge of the special needs arising from adoptive parenting
- and, the scariest one, a home inspection.
I was warned that for the home inspection, she'd be going through garbage bins, medicine cabinets, car trunks, etc. etc. etc., which, although we have nothing to hide, was a bit scary. She was nowhere near as invasive, which was a huge relief and makes me believe we're actually going to pass the Home Study! We did have to go through a checklist, involving making sure large furniture was anchored, that our hot water wasn't too hot, that we have baby-proofed everything remotely dangerous (we didn't, but we bought the kit for the outlets and cupboards and stuff, she said that was definitely good enough for the moment), that we had smoke and CO2 detectors, that we had a written fire evacuation plan and a fire extinguisher, that we had space for the child, that we didn't have drugs or alcohol in reach of the child, that our dogs weren't pit bulls (breedists!), that we didn't have poisonous plants, and so on.
So now, the Home Study is done, ish, all in Judith's hands to write the report, and we can get back to the next steps in Binder One.
2. A form applying to adopt
Okay, straightforward enough, only seven pages. Each.
3. An introduction letter from us to Thailand.
The agency gave several key words and phrases they need to see, including a promise that we will never abuse the child, that we will always love him, that we will educate him and keep his culture to the best of our abilities, etc.
4. Letters from our employers
They need MORE proof that we're not deadbeats.
5. A psychological assessment
So all that stuff we had to do with Judith? Yah, they needed a second opinion on all the mental wellness bits and adoptive parenting knowledge. And for Mike, they specifically asked to rule out any PTSD.
Judith found us Jodie, who is a psychologist and an adoptive mother of two, so she was perfect for us. We had to do a few funny tests ("To what extent do you feel your thoughts are being controlled by others?"), but it was quick, and she wrote us a glowing report within hours.
6. More financial statements
This one has to be all converted into Bhat! I'm a bazillionaire in Thailand.
7. Another medical form
The Thais have their own checklist, which is oddly far far far less extensive than that of Ontario, but I guess to the point of the things we're absolutely not allowed to have (which are problems with anything, except infertility, which we must have.)
8. More police clearances
Thankfully, we can just use Judith's copies again.
9. Proof of our existence
Birth certificates, marriage certificates, passports, tax assessments, photos of ourselves, our home, our neighbourhood, our possessions, etc.
10. Money
$90. That's all the Thai government wants. Of the thousands and thousands we're paying, I can't believe how little goes to the country.
11. More forms
I don't even...
12. More references
Letters instead of questionnaires, this time.
13. PRIDE training
No, they didn't send us here because they thought we were homophobic. PRIDE is a mandatory course for anyone wishing to adopt or foster in Ontario. It was a four-day seminar in exotic Mississauga. Being that we completed it as we were 95% through our Home Study, Binders, and all the readings we'd done, it was a bit of a waste for us. A lot of it went through the different pathways of adoption, with a huge focus on CAS and private - most of this information did not apply to international, but they don't run PRIDE training for specific kinds of adoption, and internationals were the minorities in the room - only three couples were definitely going international, the rest of the people there seemed to have no clue what was going on. Some of it was issues that the adoptive child may face, some of it was like a big therapy session for people grieving their infertility, some of it was basic information on how children learn. If anything, it confirmed for me that we'd made good choices, it reinforced some of my readings, and it made us feel less alone in this journey. And we got a shiny certificate.
14. Copy ALL the things!
Once we've got it all done (AND WE'RE SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT!!!), we've got to get it all notarized-edly copied, twice (AND I'M SO THANKFUL I HAVE SO MANY LAWYERS IN MY FAMILY!!!), then we can send it to Ottawa for review!
Then we can stop "working" and begin to wait.
*to date, I've read (and summarized for Mike) six books and I don't know how many articles. A LOT. I could write my own now. I basically have!
