Adoption in the Media Lately

Fact: if something is important to you, you notice it everywhere. Hence this post.

Media Story #1: A disabled Edmonton woman is looking for a home for her daughters. How very very sad for this family, and I have no doubts that she wants what's best for her girls. As, I'm sure, do all the people volunteering to adopt. But the way this whole thing has been approached - essentially asking for an adoptive family through social media - does nothing to promote the way adoption works, in reality. Sure, she could put them up for private adoption, rare at any age other than birth, but do-able. But even then, the adoptive parent(s) can't just be John Does off Kijiji, they still have to go through a homestudy and get approved by their province. The girls would most definitely have to go into foster care while waiting for that. And why why why would she turn to Facebook when there are who knows how many waiting parents already approved on legitimate private adoption birthfamily match sites? Why? This story frustrates me. And there's the whole negative stigma on foster system perpetuated here. I get that no one wants to live in a temporary place, it's far from ideal, but it's a solution when nothing else is workable. I don't like the language they use here: "dumped into the foster system"... makes it seem like a garbage heap. Foster families are composed of amazingly strong people, who are HEAVILY screened and supervised by CAS, who give up a lot to take care of young people with nowhere else to go. I wish the world would stop making it seem awful, it's unfair to those who are just trying to help! Anyway, best of luck to this family, I do hope they find a happy ending.

Media Story #2: I need to watch all the The Little Couples because adoption. (And sorry for the cheesy guy commentating on that video.) I don't have TLC at home, and cannot find full episodes / seasons on the website, but I have caught a few here and there at the gym. I was aware they'd adopted their son from China, and would really like to go back a few seasons and watch them through that process. So cool that a mainstream channel is documenting a real family being formed this way! Huzzah for public awareness. And now they've got a second one! Good for them and I'm glad they're sharing.

Media Story #3: The Modern Family "recycled a child" comment. We are HUGE fans of MF, I've used clips many-a-time in various courses that I've taught, totally love it, totally love that they're bringing international adoption into the spotlight in a fictional-but-fairly-accurate way, with some tongue-in-cheek comments about it - always so far, in my opinion, to highlight and eye-roll at misconceptions (e.g. When Cam and Mitch introduce their daughter in S1E1, Phil says, "Lily... won't that be hard for her to pronounce?")... but this comment.... oh dear. I'll admit, I burst out laughing at it, but then slapped my hand over my mouth. And then started giggling again. And then felt horrible. When you think about it, adopting IS the ultimate green thing a parent can do. One of our (minor) reasons we want to adopt is because we want to do our part for the environment and keep the population at a sustainable number. Yah, obviously, one family isn't going to make a difference with seven billion people. But, as they say, you can build a mountain one grain of sand at a time. So I GET where the writers are coming from here and they make a good point in the debate between Mitch and his neighbour. But to liken an adopted child to an empty tin can? Not cool. Not cool to make them feel in any way unwanted, useless, disposable... ever. So in some other of Mitch's words... SHAME!

Media Story #4: Woody Allen makes adoption look horrible. Ugh. Enough said.

Media Story #5 The Simpsons, S24E21. Okay, not so current, but I'm a couple years behind on my Simpsons viewage. But it was new to me recently, and I wanted to save the best for last. In this episode, the viewer learns that Carl is adopted. To an Icelandic family. Who are white. This is just briefly mentioned, almost in passing. No jokes about adoption, transracial adoption, nothing. The story then moves on to be all about "Carl's ancestors" - using those words. No character at any point says anything along the lines of that not being his 'real' family or bloodline. I was waiting for it, and was so happy when it didn't come! So high-fives to you, Simpsons writers! They have highlighted international and transracial adoptions before, with the Selma-Ling plot line, but I haven't re-watched those episodes from an adoptive family perspective yet. Will do then will hopefully send double high-fives to the Simpsons writers.

All for now. Next time, naming! We've got ideas and want your input!

Quick Update

I've had several of my friends ask* for an update lately, so I got on Shelley's case** and she told me that:

- the election did take place, despite the protest
- the protesters continue to protest anyway... haters gonna hate
- police have recently (after a month?!) demanded the protesters stop blocking streets, they're expected to sloooooowwwwly grant this request and start occupying parks and other open public spaces (of which there are not many in the city!)
- once the street I care about is clear (and Shelley's contact figures that will be within the week) the DSDW people will move back into their office
- it will then be safe to send our dossier and they can start seeing our awesomeness
- that puts our worst-case**** time line at mid-March 2017 for a match, mid-March 2018 for bring-home. 

I shall post again when the dossier's been (re-)sent. That and highlight some adoption-in-the-media-lately fun. And coming soon: the naming post.

 *and yes, to publicly answer a question from my good-dear friend, it IS okay to ask! Mike and I are not shy about the adoption in the slightest. It doesn't make us sad to talk about it, waiting is part of the process and we accept that. We celebrate that we've not been stopped yet and just look forward to our match. If we're not saying much, it's because it's kinda boring at the moment!

**sometimes I feel bad about the amount of questions I ask her. But then I remember that she has all my money*** and I don't feel so bad.

***JK, CB is not-for-profit.

****hopefully, who knows, they change this stuff up all the time! Knock on all the woods!

Happy? Yes, yes Siam.

Turns out that yes, we have been approved from Thailand! Now we just wait for a match, and update any paperwork as it expires (medical after one year, employment after one year, something about the homestudy after two years, etc.). Woot!

Wat's Wrong?

I knew things were going way too smoothly! We were way overdue for at least a minor hiccup. And hopefully that's all this is - very very minor. Fingers crossed.

As some of you may know, there's a massive political protest going on in Bangkok right now. As a result, the Thai social workers who would be looking at our dossiers now or very shortly have had to relocate for safety. This should just be a temporary move, and let's hope so. However, the agency is reluctant to send our stuff (which is now back in Canada as of today - which I believe means the Thai embassy has approved us? I'm checking with Shelley) over to them at the temporary location in case they move back before it gets there; and they don't want to send it to the regular location in case the mail simply can't be delivered. So our dossiers are stuck where they are for now. 

Shelley has assured me they are doing all they can from the temporary location - another couple just got matched yesterday, in fact! - but it's best for our stuff to stay where it is. The election that may or may not happen is scheduled for February 2nd, so I'd imagine we'll have more info slightly after that.

Until then, have a Buzzfeed list of famous people who were adopted. That's right #4, #11, and #19.

I'm Gonna Call Him Stampy... of Approval!

Over the past few days, I've been thinking about how to write a "Sigh, Christmas is here without word from the agency yet"-type post, but GOOD NEWS everyone! I don't have to! Yay!

I was just nonchalantly checking my phone as I got home from work today, going for the time and weather report, when ooh, an email from Shelley with a subject line of "Approval Letter", and in the preview lines I could see that she received our Ontario Ministry approval, and written a big fat "YAY!" :D

As I sat there trying to decide if this was news-worthy enough of some clever artsy announcement (nah, that'll come later), my phone rang, and it was mom, with what I assumed to be mother's intuition, as most of our non-urgent conversations are through text. Turned out not so much, but rather that my Grandmaman needed to be assured that I had not perished in that (thankfully non-lethal) fire several blocks from my house yesterday. So she got to hear it first, then, oddly enough, I got a call-waiting beep from Mike, who got to hear second; both within about five minutes of me, and everyone's happy! What a nice Christmas gift for us all! 

We're still a long way from the finish line in this journey, but BIG sigh of relief that we've cleared another leg with no roadblocks or speedbumps or detours or u-turns.... I watch too much Amazing Race, don't I? On our next episode, we need to get approval from Thailand, which Shelley said should take abut four weeks, so I'm hoping to be posting again with more smiley faces by February. After that, we'll be in the Final Four - matching, approval from us and our team, all the stuff we'll have to do in Thailand, and the six months of post-placement homestudy.

And I had a fun article in my back pocket that I was going to post along with my anticipated sad-still-waiting post to lighten things up, but I'll put it here anyway. A place in Bangkok topped the "The Most Instagrammed Building of 2013" list, and I'll give up chocolate for the rest of my life if you can guess what the building is before you click here!

Relaxasian Time?

Well the month of October was progressive, but boring, in terms of the adoption. Lots of i-dotting and t-crossing. Singing a copy of the homestudy with Judith, sending Shelley extra pictures of our cute cute life, Shelley finding an inconsistency in the homestudy and our Thai dossier, going back to Judith to correct that and re-sign, another $141.31 of expenses, blah blah blah, but... it's all done and out of our hands for the moment. It's been very strange not having anything to do for the adoption in this past couple of weeks - I even emailed Shelley to make sure I wasn't missing anything or forgetting about any homework! Winding down has never been my strong suit. But our entire lives and ability to parent an adoptee are being reviewed by the Ministry right now, and we should know some more by Christmas. Let's hope for the best. And let's hope I find something to fill the empty time (ha!) left by my lack of forms to fill out.

I don't want to get cocky, but what Judith wrote about us was pretty awesome. Talk about an ego boost! The only only negative was that Mike had very little experience with children. If they don't pass us because of that, that's pretty weak-sauce. It's the whole you-can't-get-this-job-because-you-have-no-work-experience scenario. If every new parent were required to have heaps of kids in their life prior to having a baby, how many babies would actually be born? Hrmph. Anyway, like I said, hope for the best.

In the mean time, some news from the world of international adoptions. This story is just awful, I can't stop thinking about it, wondering how many other people are affected by it, and wishing there were something I could do.

Look What I've Baht

Today was a bit of a milestone: we finally sent the Thai dossier, hooray! 

This was actually my 1 000th photo in my photostream. Coincidence?

Turns out we could have sent it a while ago. I had a round of question-asking with the agency and eventually realized we didn't need to wait for the last of Judith's stuff to come in; the agency can start looking at this and letting me know if I need corrections or additions, and they'll merge it with Judith's when that arrives. 

Also sent away today: what I believe to be the last chunk of money until immigration expenses and travel expenses and post-placement expenses.

So, how much does it cost to adopt from Thailand? I still can't give you that answer, we're not done! But I can tell you what it costs just to apply:

Resources included with item #4

1. Initial consultation with social worker: $120
2. Annual agency membership fee: $50
3. File opening administration fee with agency: $226
4. Retainer with agency, plus resources: $3051 
5. Postage #1 $3.03
6. PRIDE training registration $1582
7. Photos $26
8. Home Study fee $2500
9. Travel expenses for PRIDE ~$1200
10. Local police checks $50
11. RCMP checks $140
12. Calling card to make long-distance inquiries $10
13. Taiwanese police check $6.44 (I love and miss you every day, Taiwanese prices!)
14. Australian police check $120
15. Postage #2 $9.08
16. Psychological assessment $500
17. Thai embassy fees $97.50
18. Back-up copies of dossier $2.38
19. Postage #3 $19.31
20. The Big One: Dossier submission to agency: $12 126.00

Grand Total: $21 838.74

Again, this is just to apply. If we're not good enough, we don't get a cent of this back. No pressure, or anything, eh?

Now, as I go off to check the change slots of the parking machines in the garages downtown, and maybe take my scuba gear into the fountain at Confederation Basin there, would you do me a small favour and wish our little dossier well? Think happy thoughts for it and for the total strangers who will be receiving it shortly.