My Way or the Thai Way

I've been told there's a pattern for international adoption blogs - once you get the baby, the posts stop cold. And now I know why.

Honestly, in Thailand, the wifi was sooooo spotty and would crash all the time. Trying to do anything online was super frustrating. We had our phones with 4G of data which was fast and reliable (thank-you True-H!), but blogging on there with the tiny little screen... meh.

But today, after being home for three weeks, we have a sort of routine going and I finally feel like I have a bit - a tiny bit - of time where I *can* sit down and write something.

I did keep sort-of daily notes on the rest of our trip, and pretty well stopped that after I got back, which sucks because soooo much changes with her day to day, hour to hour, and it's pretty cool experiencing all of these new things with her, I really should write it down, but when my hands aren't full of her, they're full of dogs, cleaning supplies, food, emails, laundry, shopping, more food... oh well. So, throwback to my first post, here's a top ten of "Since We've Been Home" questions:... mmm nope, this took too long and I'm tired, make that five... maybe five more coming.

1) How was your trip?
Good! As promised, Karn and Pen and Jane and the whole team worked tirelessly to make all the adoption stuff smooth smooth smooth. There were exactly zero issues. Some waiting, but we were able to leave on time and knew we would before we entered the panic zone.
Also kinda boring, but good-boring. Lucy bonded with me almost instantly but was pretty well otherwise terrified of the world around her, so we didn't even attempt to take her out for 'experiences'. She learned to handle the stroller pretty quickly, although walking around there was really tough. We settled on trips to the park, the mall / grocery store, the skywalk, and some restaurants... otherwise, a lotta time in the apartment playing with Cuppies and Cappies and watching (but not really watching) Thomas & His Friends.

2) How was the plane ride?
Long. 31 hours of travel door to door, 3 transfers. Her clinginess to me was starting to let up just a touch before we left, but it was back in full force for the travel. She was totally fine and happy as long as I was holding her. Daddy couldn't hold her with me in the very next seat, even, she would scream. Just glad it's over.

3) How's she doing?
Great! The first four nights were horrible, and we have some whiny cry-crys at dinner time when I'm trying to prepare food and can't pick her up (although I was generously gifted a sling today, so we will try cooking with that tomorrow!) but otherwise she's SOOOOO GOOD. She sleeps and eats like a champ (and learning cutlery!) and everyone who meets her comments on how happy she is! 

4) How are the dogs?
AMAZING! They're not what you'd call 'good' dogs, so we have been pleasantly surprised with their patience with her. She'd never seen a dog before and screamed and shook in terror at them for the first couple days. They did little doggy apologies and gave her the space she needed for the most part (sometimes they can't help but move quickly or brush up on her). It got better day by day and now she'll gladly cuddle and pet them (saying "aaaah, aaaah") and feed them off her spoon (oh I should't allow that, but bonding?!) and give them kisses (although she is not a fan of having that reciprocated). So BIG sigh of relief!

5) Is she speaking English?
Not yet, not real words in context, except bye bye (repeated after me). She seems to understand quite a few things, the first and best of which being "poop face!" and she will show you her poop face on command (but you'd better laugh, she is expecting it for her efforts). She has named her bottle "Meh" and we can communicate about it, which is nice. She vocalizes alllll day long, different syllables and intonations, all good signs. She yodels - "lodeelodeelodeelo" and 'barks' - "woooo wooo"... she knows what to do when we sing "Head and Shoulders" (but prefers the French version, please)... we'll get there!

And I have a bunch of photos to put up but keep getting a new error message I've never seen before and don't feel like dealing with, so sorry non-Facebook / Insta friends!

Worst. Blog. Ever.

First 24 Hours - Thaim Flies!

Okay! Attempting to type this with a smushy cuddle monster on my hip / mashing her bottle lid thing into the keyboard / elbowing the mouse mad / poking the screen, it will be slow going, but it's all good because it's LUCY LEE!

Travel was long, especially the 17 hrs TO - HK in the middle, but thankfully uneventful. Jade picked us up, helped us get SIM cards, so thoughtfully brought us snacks and drinks, and took us to our beautiful hotel, Bliston Suwan Park View. Unpacked and didn't sleep much despite exhaustion... just jetlag and excitement.

Our driver picked us up and we met Karn and Jane and went out to Pakkred. They took us to a room with food and toys and couches, presented us with not one but TWO photo albums of her life, we're so lucky! We signed a release form, then they

brought

her

out!!!

She's perfect. Within a few minutes she let me hold her, then Mike. A little stiff and unsure at first, and still, but at least she wants to be held. Constantly!

We met her nannies and saw where she slept and talked about her routine and food and abilities. The food part is worrying me a bit, she takes formula and rice, hasn't been exposed to much  else, or even chewing, but we'll get there. She can stand and walk, but hates it, much prefers to be carted everywhere like the princess she is. And no words yet, but they'll come. 

We learned her Thai nickname is Kapoon, which is a fermented noodle dish. :D

She was super calm, so they sent us on our way with so many goodies - including some red shoes! and two dresses and diapers and formula. 

Somewhere along the way she picked up a little plastic bone and had a death-grip on it all afternoon. Makes me think she and the dogs will understand each other just fine.

Off we went for photos, she fell sound asleep in my arms in the van on the way... yeah, car seat schmar seat, we're in Asia! She didn't like sitting on her own or the flash for the photos, but we got through it! Then a delicious lunch - she ate some tofu and rice and carrots and mango, but not much. Picked up the photos then took a trip to the bank for a cashier's cheque. She liked looking at all the people.

Back to the hotel for our first time on our own with her. She did really well - a few quiet tears, way less than I would do if I'd just been taken away from literally everything I know. She was pretty easy to entertain - her bone, a post-it note and a bottle lid kept her busy on my lap until bedtime. The bath was terrifying, as were diaper changes - she might be a never-nude? I don't know. Thankfully her idea of screaming in terror is pretty mild as far as terror-screams can go. She went riiiiiiight to sleep in her cot.

I was up pretty much all night for the 5th in a row. Jet lag, new-parent worry, extremely reduced activity levels... not happening. Worried my rock-solid immune system is going to crash as a result, now is not the time! Another thing we need to work on. She was super good, stayed in her crib and more or less asleep all night. She scared us to bits with some self-soothing, though - rocking on all fours, and (lightly) banging her head repeatedly (on her mattress). A quick Google search calmed us down on this, it's normal enough not to worry about.

We made it through breakfast at the hotel - the staff adore her. Again, she didn't eat much, but a few baked beans made it down the hatch. Taking her formula happily at least.

We're now well past the 24 hr mark, it's taken me all day to write this. This morning we did a stroller journey down the street to the supermarket. She hated the stroller at first, but as soon as we got outside and there were things to look at, it was all good. And she ate some mango puree while we waited for the store to open! Walking in Bangkok isn't easy, very narrow busy sidewalks next to narrow busy roads, but we managed. Looking forward to walkies with the dogs back home!

Now pictures! Sorry they're out of order, formatting things is the least of my worries right now!

First family photo

First look

First hold

So happy to have the photo albums

with her nannies <3

snooze

with Auntie Karn

hold tight!

je suis un va-nu-pieds, mais nu, les pieds vont quand meme

Currently sitting in YOW, waiting for our first flight. Big thanks to Pen's husband for waking and driving us at 4:30 am! On our way! For real! Can't believe this is actually happening!

Of all the things I'm worried about, it's her shoes. When we take her home from the orphanage (in like, 36 hours, maybe!), she does not get to take any clothes with her. I ran out and bought her the actual cutest dress in the world for her to change into on the way out the door, but nothing for her feet. I don't know what size she is. A Google search gave me an average, but who knows. And judging by the picture, it looks like she has giant hobbit feet! I could be wrong, but... I don't know. Looks like she'll be starting her life with us barefoot. 

We'll stop at a store on the way back to the hotel. Promise.

I should probably be worried about the mounds of paperwork and red tape we've gotta ninja our way through. Mike's taking care of worrying about that, though. I'll worry about the footware.

King Rama IX, December 5th 1927 - October 13th, 2016

Last Thursday we were saddened to hear of the death of Thai King Bhumibol Adulyadej. He was the longest-reigning monarch and beloved by his people. In the days since his passing, I have learned a lot about his life, and why the Thai were so enamoured with him. He adored his country and personally saw to countless projects to make it better, every day that he could. I'm particularly impressed with his work with street dogs. 

Thailand is officially a country in mourning, and will be for up to a year. Those of us who are not Thai have no real grasp of what this means. Maybe we'll begin to 'get it' when we're over there... but at the very least, we have to be careful not to offend by (inadvertently!) showing any disrespect. The main thing we can do is wear black. Those of you who know me know that I love bright colours... hence a shopping trip is in order before I start to pack. And I've checked - it'll be okay for Lucy to be in coloured clothing, which is good, because black is not easy to find in 18 - 24 month clothing around here, especially not in what's left in summer wear.

As far as we know, everything is still on track in terms of our meetings and important dates, and her adoption will proceed as planned.

All for now. Our most sincere condolences to the Thai people.

We couldn't get away with it THAT easily...

Some progress in the past couple of months! I've dropped my superstition (a bit) and done some shopping. She's got clothes, a stroller, a cool baby-carrying-backpack thing, a basement full of big toys, some books, a pink pink room, curtains, a crib, some paintings... we're getting there. Still a long ways to go before I'm ready... so as painful as it is to just be waiting for her, I'm also grateful for the time to prepare! Toddlers need so much swag! With everything I acquire I learn of two more things I need!

We've also recently received OFFICIAL word from Thailand that our meeting with the DCY will take place on November 16th. With this date, we were finally able to start arranging our trip. Working backwards, there are things we need to do (photos, medical, etc.) before the meeting and application that take a few days, so they recommend arriving about a week ahead of time for all that (we get to meet her and possibly take her 'home' on November 10). It takes about two weeks to process the visa, so a three-week total is what is suggested and what we have now, after a long story, booked. With all the hopeful hopes in the world, it works out that way!

Everything has been going so well for us, exactly by the Children's Bridge books... ahead of schedule, even! So now, just for fun, let's throw in some issues.

Issue number one is - through no fault of her little 14-month-old-self - she's stateless. We're aware and fine with it, Ontario is aware and fine with it, CB is aware and fine with it, Thailand is aware and fine with it, it's all good in the hood... except for - so far - with Canadian Immigration. They're currently reviewing our case and we're waiting with bated breath I don't think anyone else could possibly understand for their approval. From there, the High Commission in Singapore will issue her a special document under which she can pass the border. This has been done before - Pen put me in contact with the loveliest family from Nova Scotia who pioneered this process, going through hell and back to get their daughter!

Issue number two - for some reason, she has no surname. On her proposal letter, even on her birth certificate, she's just "Miss Wanwisa (unknown surname)". I didn't think anything of it until I had to go book the flights... which I did, thanks to the advice of my aunt, through a travel agent. Of course we like doing things on our own, we know how to work the internets, but when Mike found it a bit too challenging to do (with the two round-trip, one one-way à la Noah's Ark all in one shot) in his very little spare time over where he is, he passed the responsibility on to me... eep. Had to talk to my aunt to orchestrate getting my cousin's new number to get her family discount code as she's now an employee of Air Canada (!) and it's a good thing I did, because trying to book this flight was downright Herculean. 

So, yesterday I went in and was there for about an hour looking at the options and prices when we realized we needed a last name. I emailed Darlene (and Pen and everyone in my circle who has adopted to see how they got around this issue), and this is the first time a situation like this has been encountered. Lucy is so special! Like Cher, or Madonna, or Adele. Anyway, Darlene emailed Thailand, and luckily, they replied overnight that it's fine, just leave it blank.

Back I went with that information this morning. It was still a challenge as they had to write SOMETHING. After much research, it was discovered that they can fill it in as a code LNU - last name unknown. Yaaaaay! They (and by they I mean Air Canada, travel agent was just the wonderfully useful middleman who knew all the people to talk to and the questions to ask) also had to take down just about all the information in our dossier - social worker contact, agency contact, etc etc etc, as they have a part to play in preventing child trafficking. The lack of nationality thing didn't help either. Plus they had to merge the two files - two round trip, one one way, and it took three hours total. I had to go on two pee breaks and get sushi at various points while we were on hold (marathon training - constant carb flow and much hydration). Sharon (also an army wife) at Ottawa Travel and Cruise in Hazeldean Mall, you are the best. And Dawn at Air Canada, thanks for working this very complicated case. So we are set to fly with our little popstar in the making who sees no reason for these imaginary lines dividing people! She's getting her own seat, we're in the bulkhead, her stroller can be checked on the way there, ("yes hi Ottawa check-in person, I realize we have no child with us, but..."), the vegan option has been selected, I know my baggage limits, and hopefully, it'll all be okay.

One gamble I did take (and thankfully, Mike's okay with it) is not paying the extra for the flexible option. It's possible that we'll be able to leave early; it's equally possible that some paperwork won't be ready in time and we'll have to stay some extra days. So, a flexible ticket is a good idea. But they were $4000 more. Each. If we do have to change, then yes, we might end up paying that, or even more, which would suck. But it might be less. Or maybe even equal. Ticket prices are the most bizarre game... anyway, fingers crossed everything is ready on time and we can go on the 1st as planned.

To do now:

- wait for CIC's approval (then start ensuring that paperwork gets done ahead of time)

- continue shopping madly 

- figure out the dog situation for the time we're away (their awesome kennel is closed for renovations for part of our travel time! :( anyone want two big, loud, sheddy dogs with no manners for a week or so? they cuddle really well and will happily help you clean up any food spills...)

- paint hoofprints on her walls (goats!)

- book hotels

and probably a billion other things. Much excitement! Days to count down now! Aaaah!

 

Finally...I'd like to introduce you to Som Kid!

It was June 21st. I was in the library at work, supervising a handful of kids writing their eLearning exams. I saw my phone light up with Darlene's number on caller ID.

Darlene doesn't normally call.

I scurried over to my coworker Mike, who was also supervising, and told him I had to go take a call. Thankfully, Mike is chill, so I ran out into the hallway and got the best news of my life! 

I don't remember all of exactly what Darlene said right off the bat, other than "good news" "referral" and "it's a girl". I think at that point I collapsed onto the floor happy-crying.

I managed to stagger a few meters over to my office down the hall. The entire department was there, and looking at me, because I was clearly happily freaking out about something. Chris was on his way out and flashed me a grin and thumbs up. He later told me he'd assumed I'd won Hip tickets. Logic. I scribbled "I'M A MOM!!!!" on a piece of paper for everyone else... they were confused, but happy. I guess the whole adoption thing never came up with this particular set of coworkers? Other people in the building knew - I even gave a little seminar about the process to the parenting class - but not these guys. They figured it out, though.

More details came out - her birthday, her name, her status, her current location, that she was gorgeous and had some delightful messy curls going on.

We hung up and I knew I'd be getting an email with her picture and more details soon. I got hugs and love from everyone at AYJ, and ran around the school screaming for a while, trying to get a hold of Mike (the husband who is currently on tour in Europe, not the aforementioned coworker). It didn't take long, and when I told him, he got the biggest smile I'd ever seen. We agreed on her name, and then I remembered I was supposed to be working.

Christian from my department had kindly gone in and told Mike (the aforementioned coworker, not the husband) for me, and they sat with me and were lovely, not expecting me to do my job at all, which was okay, because we were down to just one supervisee. They were there when I got the email (which I forwarded to Mike (the husband)) and were the first to confirm how perfectly adorable she is!

Others came and went from the library and found me throughout the rest of the day to see the pictures and gush. I started feeling really bad that they'd all seen her before her grandmothers... but that's part of the fun of adoption, not being able to control when and where you find out! 

Mom was in France, and Mike (husband) and I agreed to wait to tell family until she returned so that I could at least do that one in person and see one face light up! 

Keeping it a secret for over a week was hard.

So anyway, here she is, world!

:D

Her given name is Wanwisa. As Pen (my neighbour and new friend, the one in charge of coordinating our upcoming trip to Thailand) explained to me, it's a common name for people born on or around Visakha Bucha Day in Thailand - wan means day, hence Wanwisa. We're keeping that as a middle name, and we want to call her Lucy. If, later in life, she decides she likes Wanwisa better, Wanwisa it is. But Lucy for its pronounceability in both English and French, for its connection to a Beatles song, to Queen Lucy the Valiant in my favourite set of books, and because you can't say Lucy Lee without smiling!

She's 13 months now. Year of the Goat and a Gemini. Awesomely close in age to two of her cousins and several friends' babies. PLAYDATES PLEASE!

We have information on her health and development (basically perfect), her temperament ("joyful and cheerful"), and a bit on her birthmother and how she came to be up for adoption (nothing unexpected).

At this point, we've signed the acceptance, which will go back to the agency tomorrow, along with the mandatory care package I've assembled... holy crap, I've never felt so much pressure before as the day I went to Toys R Us to pick out her first things! We had to send a blanket and I stood there for about 45 minutes trying to decide. I really wanted to pick out some (goat themed!) fabric and make her one instead, but this thing has to get in the mail pronto. 

And then we wait a bit more to find out our date. This is where things get a bit tricky due to Mike's being away until the end of October. There's a possibility he could get a away for a day or two, meet me in Thailand, sign the papers, fly back, and leave me as a single mom for a few months... or the possibility that we delay the meeting until November. That might happen anyway, due to one little paperwork hiccup Lucy is facing that is nobody's fault. As much as it pains me that she's just *there* in an orphanage and not with me for that much longer, it is what it is, and I can continue to be patient.

Lots to do in the mean time! I've gotta get... baby stuff! And learn how to take care of such a small human! Any advice, tips, tricks, and tools would be much appreciated!

Check!

Homestudy #2 is complete and over with and guess what - approved! No surprises there, but a relief, of course.

On the same day that went through, immigration also contacted us (8 weeks ahead of schedule!) to say our file there had been approved as well! Ha! Som Kid now exists in the system under the official name of Unknown Lee. He / She has even gotten his / her first email:



So yay! Now we are literally actually done everything we have to do before The Phone Call. It was always a minor possibility before immigration (but that would have delayed our pick-up ETA), but now it's for reals. Craziness. Still won't be expecting it until probably early next year. Very much HOPING it comes before Homestudy #2 (and immigration) expires!

All for now, but also, this link to some amazing-good reads on adoption.